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Writing
the Humor - how humor helps us to heal
by Alice Wisler
I never believed how beneficial to my health laughter was until tragedy
hit my family. Then, laughter kept me from orbiting into the land of oblivion.
Laughter never sounded so sweet. In the midst of sorrow, a good cry is
expected, but a hearty laugh can keep us afloat. We’ve all heard the proverb,
“laughter doeth good like a medicine” (notably a good-tasting kind) and
writing the humor of life gives a double dose of the good tasting stuff.
Inevitably some will scratch their heads and wonder how humor writing
can be something to consider when the pain of sorrow from a loss is so
consuming. People not in tragedy, envision those in pain only able to
cry and soak up tissues. They are correct; while loss of a loved one,
a divorce or an illness do produce countless tears, being able to laugh
and record the humor are therapeutic to healing.
I married my husband for his humor. While some marry for money or that
house on the beach, I was drawn to this man’s ability to create an atmosphere
of laughter. After the painful death of our four-year-old son, Daniel,
we needed humor like a buffer from the agonizing wounds in our hearts.
We learned to laugh together instead of continuously growing angry at
the silly things people (albeit with good intentions) said to us. And
although we are not ready for stand-up comedy yet, our humor has helped
to save our marriage.
"Just laughing at something relaxes people and makes them forget
their troubles for a few minutes," claims Pauline Russell of Duke
University Medical Center. " Laughing provides a moment of refreshment.
The stimulation you get after a hearty laugh is helpful." Journalist
Peggy O'Farrell states that among laughter's benefits are the "...reduction
of stress hormones, including cortisol, which in turn enhances the immune,
cardiovascular and even digestive systems." She adds that findings
have led researchers to conclude that laughter should be part of a daily
health routine — just like exercise and healthy eating.
How do you see the humor life has to offer? First you have to look for
the humor in everyday living. Put on your humor antenna so that you will
pick up on the humor that is all around you. It’s there.
It was there just the other night at my house. My husband and beagle puppy
were seated in front of the TV watching the Super Bowl. I was in the middle
of writing an informative paragraph to an editor about my own ezine, Tributes.
I included how my ezine has been an instrumental tool for me on this journey
of grief and how reaching fellow bereaved parents through it helps with
my own healing. In the midst of editing my paragraph, my 11-year-old daughter
ran out onto our newly-built deck with the brand new furniture. A few
seconds later she announced she had thrown up. “On the deck?” I yelled
from my post at the computer. I went to take a look as our beagle puppy
raced out and started to lick the mass of vomit which spread over the
deck floor. When I saw she’d also thrown up on the new glider’s custom-made
cushions, I screamed, “How could you throw up there too?”
“After the game ends, I’ll clean it up," my husband said from his
chair.
“No,” I cried. “It’ll be frozen by then. I’ll do it.”
We both cleaned up. I, on my hands and knees mopped up the mess with paper
towels and rags. In the back yard, he hosed down the green-and-purple-flowered
cushions and then scrubbed them with a soapy brush. He fussed about the
hose and I fussed that he was placing the cushions in the dog’s play area
and that doggy poop on the cushions would be as bad as the vomit so to
be careful. We yelled
back and forth into the night.
After the clean-up, I went back to the computer and read my nice and touching
note, ready to send to the editor. Here I was posing as this sweet bereaved
mother when I had just yelled at my daughter and husband over vomit on
deck furniture. Laughing, I entered what had just happened in my journal.
It is a keepsake, a humor journal. I carry mine with me for the purpose
of recording the funny aspects of life that might go unnoticed if I weren't
in the frame of mind to be on the look-out for them.
Some may think what you find funny to write about isn't funny, but that's
not important. As long as your humor provides laughter for you, that is
what counts and that is what you can record in your journal. Be on the
humor alert in public places like restaurants and airports. I recorded
this conversation while seated at a small Mid-western airport last summer.
I was seated across from two couples discussing their
pastor and so had to act a bit sly, not letting on that I was recording
their every amusing word.
"He's dressing in khakis and leaving the pin stripes at home.”
"He's gotten better on his sermons."
During the season of the Bill Clinton Impeachment, a friend and I were
at a restaurant when we overheard a woman stating to her dinner date,
"You know I love my president. I just love my president. Now I don't
like what he has done. But you know I love my president."
The whole restaurant seemed quiet, obviously listening as this woman vocalized
her passionate feelings.
Venture out on a humor search by looking for bumper stickers, signs, billboards
and even misspellings. Write the funny ones down and keep a collection
of these to read aloud at least once a month. By doing so, you are creating
your own joke book. One hectic day, in the van with my three bickering
children, I smiled for miles after I saw the personalized license plate
on the bright red convertible: "Midlife."
As a family, record funny things and place them on slips of paper. Put
them in a jar (label it your “barrel of laughs”) and take one out, one
each night or once a week. You won't forget the family jokes and will
use them to bring you closer to each member as the years go by.
If you haven't already, recall the funny memories of loved ones who have
gone on and add them to your humor journal. Early every weekday morning
in the hospital Daniel and I would awaken to a man outside the room door
singing, “Newspaper, newspaper.” I would reply, "No, thank you"
to which the newspaper salesman would automatically chirp, "Have
a nice day." It became Daniel's and my joke. All we'd have to say
to each other and then break into laughter was, "Newspaper, newspaper.
Have a nice day." That journal entry always gives my heart a refreshing
workout.
Humor is everywhere. Learn to look for it, capture it in the pages of
your journal, laugh and watch your health improve and your heart heal.
Humor web sites to visit:
World Laughter Tour http://www.worldlaughtertour.com
Humor University http://www.humoru.com
Alice J. Wisler is the founder of Daniel's House Publications, a bereavement
organization, to help those who, like her, have had a child die.
She is the editor of the print newsletter LARGO and the e-zine, Tributes.
Her book, "Slices of Sunlight, A Cookbook of Memories," was
published in 2000. She is active in the nationwide organization, Compassionate
Friends. Alice speaks on the value of writing through the heartache at
bereavement conferences and to women's groups across the country.
Contact Information:
Alice J. Wisler
Tributes and LARGO
Daniel's House Publications
http://www.mindspring.com/~wisler/danielshouse.html
Writing The Heartache
http://www.geocities.com/griefhope/index.html
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