inspired to journal

Write Back
by Nan Fischer

I love the value of the unsent letter,
but I also like to have the recipient write back to me!

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Unsent letters let you express emotions and ideas that are inappropriate if actually communicated.  Tristine Rainer said it beautifully in The New Diary:

"A diarist might also write an unsent letter to express thoughts to a certain person when actually doing so would be rude or inappropriate, when actual articulation could cause irreparable harm to a relationship, when one isn't sure if she really feels the way she thinks she feels at the moment, or when the audience is unavailable for deep communication."

I like to say, "When in doubt, leave it out," and that is where the unsent letter comes in.  

There is a new twist to this practice, though.

Once you have written a letter, write yourself a response. Write yourself a letter that comes from your recipient.

It may start like this:

"Dear You,

Thanks for bringing up these points about our argument in your letter. I agree with a few, but will strongly debate the others."

You can write several responses - one that is likely to happen (written from the other person's point of view), one that you would like to receive (your point of view), and one that would take you by surprise.

Sometimes we write letters to express our emotions about an event, but without a response, there is no closure, or it is a long time coming.  By writing back to yourself, you can gain some closure and begin to move into a healthier space.

You may surprise yourself to find out what you really do want, or how you may actually feel!  

Try it.  Write a letter to someone you have an issue with.  State all your feelings about the situation.  Be yourself.  Say what's on your mind.  Don't be afraid - it is still an unsent letter.

Now write yourself back three times: one letter you could realistically expect to receive, one you would like to receive, and one that comes as a surprise.

Then write about your discovery.  What happened?  Be honest with yourself.  No one is reading these letters but you.

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Tristine Rainer's The New Diary - a very basic yet complete book about journaling

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